A couple weeks ago, I went to Capri expecting a relaxing and rejuvenating weekend getaway (while working, of course). I was planning on lounging on sunny beaches, drinking cold prosecco on striped lounge chairs, and checking out 5 star resort perks for clients. Sounds peachy, right?
Well, the weather doesn’t care what deposits you have, reservations you’ve booked, or dreamy schemes that you’ve plotted. The weather will rain on your parade (literally…) and leaves you holding a ferry ticket that won’t be departing from the port at the predetermined time.
So, what did I do? Well the only rational thing that someone could do…drown my sorrows in melted cheese, wine, and grain alcohol. Okay…so I didn’t really intend to drown my woes…but the limoncello kept appearing at my table as if a genie was granting me wishes. Three wishes to be exact. Three filled-to-the-brim, syrupy-sweet, acidic, alcohol-heavy, lemon-y wishes.
I learned the hard way so that you don’t have to, and now I am sharing the top 10 lessons that I learned from my oh-so-generous waiter who poured my way into a limoncello induced coma.
1. Limoncello is the honey badger of alcohol. You may think it’s cute… but it is not your friend, and it does not give a $#!* about you.
2. Packing is an art (see #3).
3. Art is hard. Result: Packing is impossible and your bag will look like someone put your clothes in a blender and then shoved them into a small capsule.
4. Motion is bad (very bad). Ferries move. Result: Post-limoncello ferries are Satan’s spawn.
5. Make-up can be slept in (although, you will feel like someone super glued your eyes shut) and pajama pants are really an unnecessary obstacle.
6. Drink one because of tradition. Drink two to kickstart a party. Drink three if you want your safe commute home to require using Waze, 2 taxi drivers, a concierge and everything in your wallet.
7. Toothpaste can only do so much. Limoncello kicks toothpaste in the teeth, steals it’s lunch money, and sticks around to remind you who’s boss.
8. Sometimes late check-out is necessary (see #2 & #3…Y’all, I swear my clothes had babies while I was sleeping pant-less in my make-up…)
9. Language barriers are intensified with a pounding headache and “Ciao, Signorina!” sounds like a tuba next to your eardrum.
10. Almost everything in the world can be solved with a fresh squeezed O.J., a piping hot cappuccino, and a buttery croissant. #Truth
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times? Never again, limoncello! Well…maybe just one.